Well, well, well...haven't I been missing.
Listen, I am trying to keep up with YouTube and trying to finish writing a book, there is very little time for anything else. Oh and also, I am trying to not completely burn myself out. The balance of recharge and renewal time versus work, of filling my creative reserves and exhausting them is not easy to figure out or maintain! I need a vacation so badly I may just take a weekend away by myself even though I really can't afford one (the sand dunes national park here in Colorado is tempting for example...).
So here I am finally snapping a few photos in a dress I made last year. Sewing you know, remember that?..I don't!
I still have a hard time with self employment, and I can finally call it that since I may just make a few pennies from YouTube this month (wahoo! and thank god because I have had NO HOURS at my day job this year), because I never know how much work in a day is "enough". I don't track my time...because I'm afraid if I do I will find out I don't work "enough" and I will feel even guiltier than I already do. I know I get videos up, I write chapters, I edit, and I brainstorm. Sometimes those things feel like work, other times they just feel like fun, and where is the line between tracking that time as work and not...uggg I just don't know. My value is not tied to what I produce, except in my head it is. People are more than the sum of their productivity, are not the number in their account balance, but as always, I struggle ever on to reconcile this with my in-brain experience.
I need more energy and more time, but instead, I'm going to just call it quits for the day and go pick some lilacs from outside to bring into my office.
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| Dress: Made by me Shoes: Bait Clutch, Belt, Gloves, Hat, & Jewelry: Vintage |
When you look at a sand dune, do you count the grains of sand that formed it? Do you believe the swells of the landscape are invulnerable to the wiles of the wind? Do you think time is only encapsulated in an hourglass? Give yourself a break :)
ReplyDeleteYour “in-brain experience” won't change until you acknowledge your activity positively. Commend a day of creativity. Choose your own stars and plot your course accordingly. It's unlikely to be flat or as short a distance as you might hope but it will allow you to be objective. And if you're like, yeah whatever Lily, at least listen to this lilac inspired soul-soother https://youtu.be/5PC68rEfF-o
This is such a difficult thing to struggle with and I completely get it, but with persistence (and repeating the things you're saying about productivity) you'll start to believe it. If you don't mind a suggestion, pick three things that you wish to achieve each day and write them down and then tick them off when done. This will start to show you how much you really are achieving x
ReplyDeleteWhat a gorgeous and vivid look! I love the color combination, and the beautiful red hat. Your coordination is always on point (and, I have so say, so are your eyebrows. I have got to figure out how to do a good arch like that...).
ReplyDeleteThank you Jessica!
DeleteBianca,
ReplyDeleteWill you share the dress pattern company/number and fabric content? Looks like a rayon but I'm not sure. This is an absolutely lovely vintage look. First time reader and commenter to your blog :) -Alyssa
Thank you Alyssa! Unfortunately I make all of my dress patterns myself, so I do not have one to recommend. The fabric is indeed a rayon challis from Joanns!
DeleteThanks for the info, Bianca! You do amazing work! Looking up that fabric now....
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