October 5, 2018

IX : Monthly Round Up


WHAT I GOT UP TO IN SEPTEMBER:

FAVE ENSEMBLE:  This outfit from Monday's post, I just love my new Royal Vintage shoes!



The following personal/frame-of-mind update here at the end of the first week of October comes to you in two parts. Part 1 I wrote while working on this post earlier in the week after getting home from the "day job" a bit spent generally and definitely not in my best head-space. To be fair, this reflects how I feel most of the time.

Part 2 comes from current me, 1:40 am on Friday morning after having just marathoned a good book and probably, let's face it-- still not in the best head-space (uh, go to bed?), but with a lot more hope. So skip part 1 if you are more interested in rambling hope, and read part 1 for the full transparency of how my mind fluctuates over the space of a week's time.

Part 1

Uhh, skip the next two paragraphs if you don't like doom and gloom ;)

September = beyond behind on everything and left heavily disappointed in the wake. So positive aren't I? Well, no, never actually. I am a catastrophizer, I tend to panic and fuss, and have a hard time with feeling stagnant, which I always do, because I am never getting anywhere. Just keeping it real kids (real depressing you mean, yikes). I even have trouble being around really peppy people, I need sarcastic pessimism, that's my level. 

I need to figure out a way to both a) get everything done, in less time, with less money, and done very well, and also b) stop tearing myself down constantly for never finding any success (and I know "everyone defines success differently/for themselves" and all that, but...I can't pay rent somewhere with that now can I? I need doller son) Ha ha sure. Did I mention I added the totals of all my student loans together to actually see the grand total for once? Oh yeah, that was fun too. Could get me one of these ridiculous parrot necklaces from Cartier for that kinda money (though I wouldn't), or like a new luxury car, or start a few businesses. Anyone got a rich old uncle no one knows about who can leave me their vast fortune? 

Then of course, I have no need for ghost stories this October, as the US is already a horror show. Eek!


Part 2

Context- I just finished reading Hank Green's debut novel An Absolutely Remarkable Thing

Some words I just dumped on instagram stories moments ago recounted here for longer lasting posterity:

"I read this book in almost exactly 5 hours. Now, that seems almost cruel right, it took Hank 5-ish years to write it? What right do I have to read the whole thing in one sitting like munching on a bag of deceptively addictive snack food until the bag was empty? Well let me tell you something I feel suddenly quite strongly

I myself have written a book, I plan on writing many more, and that desire, the fire to write, honestly- gets me through some days when I want to give up, just cry, I dunno- fall apart. And this I know in my bones

I want you to read my book in one sitting.

To me there is literally no higher compliment. Devour the words I strung together for you, words I strung together for myself.

When I write I feel alive in a way I cannot explain, and when someone is reading my work I feel both alive and terrified in one. And if you keep reading, if you engulf the words like flames burning even perhaps too brightly, feel anything enough to marathon the damn thing whether that fuel is disdain or empathy or anxiety or understanding, that would be such a gift to me.

So, my apologies to @hankgreen for devouring your book in one sitting. Of course, I can give it no higher compliment by my estimate.

Thank you for the entertainment, an evening spent absorbed in one thing after a hard few months spent worrying I was not going to find the patience this dream of mine demands. Thank you for this realization even more."

Eh, I would have edited that a bit more, but emotional instagram stories posts at 1:30 in the morning are not the space for perfection now are they?

Why do you keep going? Wouldn't it be so much easier to get a job somewhere boring with a no doubt sub par health benefits package and a lot of grey carpeting, grey walls, grey desk, grey work, move out into an okay apartment with some cheap Ikea furniture, live paycheck to paycheck with just enough energy left at the end of the day to watch something on Netflix before collapse? Things my mind whispers. Because I can't knock that life, that life is very tempting. That is success my mind whispers, it doesn't matter how dull things could get, it matters you are independent and that is all!!!

Why do you keep going? Because right now sometimes I do get time to write, and I live for those days. I have a lot of stories to put into words, and I live on the hope I will someday get to write them all down. That is the fuel. I forget I have hope, but all evidence points that I must indeed have it somewhere. Hidden under excuses, hidden under student loan payment reminders, hidden under ill advised Etsy shopping because "buy now" can dull the angst even if only for a moment. My hope hides, but it has not left. Lately it has been very hard to see, nearly transparent, and brittle like glass too.

I'm going to finish this edit. I am going to frame my first formal rejection letter from a literary agent. I am going to keep working on the sequel even though everyone in my life jokes "shouldn't you sell the first one first?" with a smile that says "fat chance". I am going to write more books even if I am the only one that ever reads them. Like glimpsing something quickly in the peripheral that you don't always realize is indeed still there. Hope, huh, I suppose it must be.

Imagine your work being able to make the peripheral visible even if only for an hour at 1:30am? Thanks Hank.

Oh and, perhaps you should go read An Absolutely Remarkable Thing. I was worried I wouldn't end up liking it after the hype, but oh boy, it made me feel some things. Obviously.


ALL THE OTHER THINGS:

-I don't really listen to The Creative Pep Talk podcast, but loved this episode with long time fave creator Fran Meneses.

-Umm...King Princess. "I love it when we play 1950, It's so cold that your stare's 'bout to kill me, I'm surprised when you kiss me" A song inspired by the book the price of salt, the same novel the film Carol I also recommended recently is based on.

-Another musician I stumbled upon (thanks to Simply Kenna's fall lookbook on YouTube) was Cameron Douglas. Give this song a listen.

-The Marvelous Mrs Maisel, yes I've been sleeping on this one I know, but I get it now. If you have been holding out for some reason too, well... don't? I haven't finished it because I'm busy as all get out, but I will as soon as I can.

-This article about how it's fine to have perpetrators of sexual assault in the US government, because after all, they're just girls right? And boys will be boys.

-This orange corde reproduction 1940's clutch from ultra modern cool girl shop And Other Stories sure helps prove the adage that everything in fashion comes back around, and helps us retro gals out because nice corde in colors other than black, navy, or brown is real rare my friends!

-This YouTube channel is excellent, and this video about Grease makes me feel less guilty about liking that movie even with all it's outdated problematic moments.

GOALS FOR OCTOBER:

(Septembers goals were: Finish this latest edit and send out query letters (NOPE). Finish three sewing projects (Nope, good lord, no way...)


and


Hit 50,000 words on my new book. 


Wahoo! One goal I achieved and then some, I think it's at 58,000-ish now? I'll take any progress on anything right about now! 


-Actually finish the last edit of the manuscript (I still have to go through one full time again!!! but only to double, triple, (duodecuple) check, no changes really I think?) And actually send out query letters


-Make a floral wool dress


-Not scream


At least it is properly fall now right? Happy October everyone! I hope you sleep more than I do, and enjoy all the nice things fall has to offer like pumpkin spice everything!



9 comments:

  1. I hadn't known you were a fan of the Vlogbrothers until I saw your posts on Instagram. That makes me happy during a time where I desperately need things that make me happy. I hope your October is more productive than your September ended up being. I am of the opinion that September is the worst month. Your October is certainly going to be more glamorous than mine, regardless of productivity level. Not to brag but I get to endure a bunch of gross, gross medical stuff.

    I wish the very best luck on your literary endeavors. I can't wait to read them.

    -Chae

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    1. Thank you so much Chae! I'm sorry about the gross, gross medical stuff, that's no fun at all. I am a huge Vlogbrothers fan ever since discovering them in 2012. It sounds dramatic but their content seriously changed my life, I'm so thankful I found them and the rest of YouTube back then <3

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  2. Yes, keep your rejection letters! I know that no one wants to get a rejection letter but really they are quite an accomplishment and right of passage. Just getting to the point of getting a rejection letter means you’ve put in the effort to not only write a novel, but edit it, get feed back, get all of the other bits ready that need to go out with you book query letters and then been brave enough to send your creative baby out into the world to some stranger who may or may not hate it. Going after your dreams is hard and so many people never even make it to the rejection letter stage. You are doing an amazing thing even if right now doesn’t feel like an amazing part of the process.

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    1. Thank you so much Steph! I take so much hope out of knowing there were many agents that turned down Harry Potter or record labels that said no thanks to the Beatles, so even very successful artists hear a lot of no first before the fateful yes :)

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  3. Happy October :) I'm very familiar with the debt frustration. Here's to a successful last quarter

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  4. I hadn't encountered King Princess. Thanks for the introduction. I remember drawing on a little pencil moustache and wearing my hair very like hers for Halloween in Brighton. I think I was going for some weird combination of Lestat and Johnny Depp’s John Wilmot… It was actually a look hahaha :D

    Highsmith was a formidable writer (and woman by all accounts). If you like King Princess and Carol, you might like Tipping the Velvet by Sarah Waters. Perhaps you've read it? I don't particularly recommend the BBC adaptation. It's fun but it doesn't have the depth of the book. The story is set mainly in London around 1900 and Waters includes many vivid descriptions of clothes and costumes ~

    “She wore a suit – a handsome gentleman’s suit, cut to her size, and lined at the cuffs and the flaps with flashing silk. There was a rose in her lapel, and lavender gloves at her pocket. From beneath her waistcoat shone a stiff -fronted shirt of snowy white, with a stand-up collar two inches high. Around the collar was a white bow-tie; and on her head there was a topper.”

    It's like a sketch, isn't it?

    Hope you're a bit more chipper, if not then may I offer this classic bit of counsel:

    https://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/health/letter-from-rev-sydney-smith-to-lady-georgiana-cavendish-daughter-of-the-duke-of-devonshire-29637570.html

    ~ Lily

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    1. Thank you Li! I have a severe lack of sapphic stories on my bookshelf, and have not even read The Price of Salt myself, nor any Sarah Waters, so I have much reading to do in general I assure you ;)

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  5. Sapphic Stories :) That sounds exactly like some vintage subgenre or pulp magazine! Waters is pretty hit or miss; Tipping the Velvet is an amazing debut with some insalubrious but true to the narrative scenes. The Night Watch is also very good. Speaking of Carol, Rooney Mara is in a new campaign for Givenchy. The ads are set in the Paris Metro, it's a stunning urban gothic campaign and I seem to remember you writing here about an interest in underground London... https://youtu.be/q5UeuV-Kzy4

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